Starting The Christmas Season Off Wrong

Every parent is frustrated Christmas morning, not because of how early they have to get up to open presents with their overly excited children, but because of all of the presents that are left up to the parents to assemble. These presents are packaged together with such precision that it could have only been accomplished by the best machines known to man. Parents have to use scissors, box cutters, swear words, and lots of coffee to open toys for children. And, when you’re in a big family group, there’s always that one child who either sobs like a brat or pulls another form of a tantrum because the adults aren’t putting together the presents fast enough. And, these toys never come with batteries. So, parents had better sure to have batteries, several of them, on hand or there will surely be hell to pay.

Today, however, all of these issues pale in comparison to when my son’s cousin, who’s maybe five or six years old, swallowed a plastic toy soldier that one of the older kids had just unwrapped.

Fortunately, even though hospitals are one of the few places that are actually open on Christmas Day, we didn’t have to rush this kid to the hospital because some of us here are doctors. We got that toy soldier out in a flash.

Then, the kid’s folks took him to the hospital, just to get checked and make sure everything’s kosher.

I used to laugh at these labels on things, like bleach and hydrogen peroxide, which explicitly say not to let your children ingest this because what kind of parent would let their child do something like this? Well, it turns, the answer is us. We weren’t watching. There were too many other things going on and other people around us to notice every little thing, which is perhaps why the warning labels are on all of these kids toys that feature incredibly small, intricate pieces.

However, one way we might be able to sue these companies is that the print on these toy boxes is quite small. I, and possibly some of my children as they get older, have very poor eyesight. Consequently, we cannot see things far away and would be very unlikely to read this smallest font in the world like a warning. Therefore, if these toy companies really and truly want to prevent children from ingesting their products, it might be wise to put the warning in bigger and stylized fonts, in order for anyone and everyone to be able to read said warnings and then acknowledge them.

Maybe, the warning should come on a sheet of paper, in large font, that is somehow situated where it would be impossible to open the toy without seeing the warning.

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